Beanie Cap Guy

Pantheon: The Utah Collection 2...

 

It's finally here!

Pantheon picks up where The Utah Collection left off but by and large has a heart of its own. My great affection for the people I photograph is perhaps more apparent than ever here; the darker and more personal explorations left for other books at other times. This is an unbridled expression of love and fascination for those who are willing to step out in front of my camera and dance. It's a celebration of those who take off their clothes and wade out into the water naked, fearless and free. And maybe more than anything else it's just a way of saying look; look how beautiful we all are when we step back into our bodies and make them our own. Preview the entire book online by clicking below.

THE UTAH COLLECTION

A year in the making, THE UTAH COLLECTION is now in print and available to preview and/or purchase through Blurb.

The Utah Collection by Tom Clark

 

 
  

Merry Holidays...

Here is my greeting card to all of you for the holidays '09. It's been quite a year with a passionate return to doing what I love most. This is an image from my work with Heather & Joe out on the Bonneville Salt Flats near the Utah/Nevada border. My first book, The Utah Collection, will be published soon and will include this image.

A major part of my creative process involves just picking up the camera and getting out of the house. The rest of it happens without a lot of fuss.

Thank you Joe & Heather for being such fun playmates!

And to the rest of you, thank you for your continued interest in my work and for the kind words that lift me up and make me smile.
 

Fuck The Mormons...

 

Whatever shred of patience or tolerance for the sewage of mormonism that remained in my soul is gone. I don't care if I ever speak to my twin or my mom again as long as any of us live. I hate everything about this cult called mormonism. It's the ugliest grouping of people on the face of the earth. Fucking white misogynist racist elitists. They can all go shove their anti-gay attitudes up their puckered pink buttholes.

Today was the end. Enough. That part of me that is influenced so heavily by my Scorpio sun has awakened from a long slumber. After so many years of keeping the hypocrite's secrets I've decided to go public with the names of the people in Salt Lake I've had affairs with.

Mormons: go fuck yourselves. There are no more cheeks to turn and you have used up all of the patience I might have ever held in reserve for you.

It's over. No more Mr. Nice Gay.

Not To Worry...

Don't give up hope guys. I'm still here and very much alive but been hunkered down in survival mode. Blogging is something I enjoy very much and have been completely committed to for four or five years now. I also realize that at times I've felt pressured to keep the posts coming regardless of my ability to do so or whether or not I had anything to share. I'm gradually getting over that now and balancing this wonderful thing called blogging with the demands of my everyday life. For most of my life I've been consumed with the desire to be accepted and loved. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why that might be the case. So I make beautiful music, I design gorgeous gardens, I take fabulously sexy and compelling pictures of people, I crochet luxurious beanie caps and I design business cards and brochures that get people's attention. Everything I do satisfies me at some level but I'm also aware that a lot of what I do generates compliments and praise and ultimately lots and lots of acceptance and approval.

When will I stop feeling the need to be validated? Perhaps never. But this continuous quest for the tiara of popularity is tiring. There has to be a point at which my own validation of self is enough. And I'm getting closer and closer to it as the days go by. One of the consequences of the catastrophic illness that nearly took my life three years ago is a reduction in energy. You'd never know it to look at me these days but I know it. Something inside of me has finally spoken up and said "Tom, you need to be careful."

Out of the darkness and struggle of the past three years has come some intensely bright light on the horizon. There are things in the works that are clearly what I fought so hard to come back from death for. I kind of knew they were there but on many occasions simply lost hope that they would ever surface. It's happening - the dreams that got shelved as a result of the illness are coming back into focus, both literally and metaphorically. There is a lot of road still ahead but I'm on it and the light is getting brighter by the day. Light at the end of the tunnel - such an overused but appropriate way to describe the feeling of what's going on.

Around The World In 30 Days...

I left Austin and headed west exactly one month ago today and have been having a great adventure being on the road; some of which I can share with you and some of which you wouldn't want me to. I thought it would be fun to show you some of what I saw when I looked out the windows at the various places I stayed.

First up is looking out of my hotel room in Tucson, Arizona. I tried to make it all the way to the coast but couldn't do it. Great little place owned by a gay guy from L.A. Amazing bargains in Tucson second hand shops.

Made it home to Hollywood at long last. This is the view from Judith's balcony in the Hollywood Hills near Beachwood Canyon. Hollywood might just be the craziest place on earth but it's home and I love it.

 

Sunday morning and I'll bet you can guess where I was. Yep, breakfast at Heidelberg and a walk on the beach with my buddy Lisa. Lousy picture from my iPhone but you get the idea. Sundays in Laguna.

 

Heading on up north I stopped for a few days in the City By The Bay and hung out at Paige & John's place in Mill Valley, which for those of you not from California is on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge up in the hills with the Pacific on one side and San Francisco Bay on the other. When I looked out from their veranda into the gulley below I saw some of the deer who've taken up residence in their yard.

 

Lots more pictures and fun after the jump.

Bringing In '09...

 

My friend Jim sent this to me and it made me laugh. There ain't no such thing as gay without YMCA and the hand motions to go along with it. Thank you Jim for helping me bring in the new year with a smile.

I bought a bottle of Italian Amarone earlier today and some wonderful Italian black truffle cheese to have with it. I also snagged a loaf of Italian bread and some French pork pate`  along with a half a pound of Prosciutto di Parma, all of which is sitting handsomely here on a plate next to me on the floor. The Amarone is such a deep ruby red that you can't see through it holding it up to the light. I've had it open for almost 45 minutes now and it's starting to show off its stuff. Wow. I've had Amarone before but it's nice to be reminded of how amazing these more precious Italian wines are. Show offs, just like Italian men.

And speaking of Italian men I went to see a little gay movie called Ciao this evening in which the lead character was a handsome Italian guy from Genova who came to America to meet somebody, met somebody else and kind of fell in love. Way too slowly paced, which is problematic because I usually get and enjoy slower paced movies. But whatever, it was gay and the leads were hunks I guess that should be enough, right? It's a good thing the wine is good - that's all I have to say about that.

Got my hair cut earlier today and took care of business stuff before that and have been enjoying my time here in Hollywood immensely. It's always good to be home. I know where I'm going, I know how long it takes to get there and I know when it's best to take Fountain across town and when it's best to avoid it. Everyone is beautiful in Hollywood and the men are all gay and the cars are all washed and everyone is as fucked up as I am. It's nice to come home and feel like I'm the sanest person around. I'm not of course but it's nice pretending. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach, probably Laguna, and I'm going to bury my toes in the sand and let the earth and the ocean do that thing they do to me.

I've had a good if not challenging year and '09 holds promise of even more wonder and contentment. I have tired feet and am looking to give them a rest. I'm healthier and happier than I've been in years so life is good and I'm thrilled to still be a part of it all.

I wish you lots and lots of whatever it is that makes you happiest.

ciao e buon anno,

Tom

Cumaro...

One of the sweetest and funnest adventures of my life was the time when my daughter Auri came to stay with me for a few months in Rome while I was working on a film there at Cinecitta`. She was sixteen and the boys circled her night & day, ravenous for this dark-haired beauty they saw standing by my side. Auri indulged me up to a point and stayed close to me long enough to make sure that I didn't get to feeling left behind. But the call of the wild eventually won out and some of the boys got to run around Rome with my baby's hand in theirs. In reality, it made me happy to see her having the kind of free-spirited adventure at 17 that I was never able to have. I was happy to let her go and play - Rome has always been home to me and I honestly felt like there was no place on earth she'd be safer.

One evening towards the end of her stay we took a drive out into the countryside south of Rome near the ancient millstone villa where we were staying. We parked the car and went for a walk, window shopping and milling about the small town with the locals before the shops all closed down for the day. We walked past an enoteca, a small wine store and saw some cheese and bread and wine sitting out in the middle of the shop and we both turned on our heels at the same time to go back. The cheeses were of course pungent and aromatic and the minute they hit our tongues I could hear them crying out, "E ora il vino!"

And now the wine!

Sitting on the little display was a bottle of wine called Cumaro. I poured us each a little sample and after a smiling brindisi we tossed it back and waited. Oh my, we each looked at the other and these huge grins broke out on our faces as we both realized at the same time that we'd just tasted one of the most beguiling wines ever. Now mind you, Auri had only started drinking wine a couple of months earlier when she first arrived in Italy for her visit. But I'd treated her to some really nice wines along the way and I think she inherited some of my pallet. Whatever it was, she knew pretty much in the same moment I did that we'd stumbled onto a really special wine.

Rocky Mountain Bliss...

First day on the job was an all-day fishing trip for three clients up into a remote lake in Montana.  Big paint quarterhorse with a shitty trot and snotty attitude, lousy saddle too small and tons of mosquitos. But hey, it pays lousy so where's the problem???  :-)

Pete, the paint with an attitude, decided he wanted to get rid of me on the ride back to the ranch. Oh boy did he pick a fight with the wrong wrangler. I did however see my life flash before my eyes when he headed into the woods and in between lots of pine trees started bucking his nasty little heart out and thinking that I was going to be easy to get rid of. Harrumph. I stayed on and Pete lost round 1. Not to worry, Pete will never get the privelege of having me ride him again. One thing I can't handle is a horse with an attitude. Dude wanted his nose buried in Trigger's ass all the way back and I could see a kick to the nose coming at me like heartburn after a big burrito. Pete didn't want me holding him back and that's where the trouble began.

Oh, I'm so sorry Pete, here are the reins. I'll just close my eyes and you can lead the guests off the edge of the clifff into the abyss. Stupid fucking horse. I might be gay but I sure as hell ain't no pansy. Daffodil maybe, but not a pansy.  :-)

Second day on the job took lots of guests up for rides - snagged me a better horse named Ben - big old beautiful bay quarterhorse with a nice trot, smooth lope and an easy-going attitude. Made sure I got a BIG saddle, wore tighter underwear and heaven on the back of a horse was once again mine. I sat there thinking, "yeh baby, this is what I signed on for." Tips were great so I must be smiling pretty and stuff. Now if i just had my chaps I'd be complete. Crossed a swollen river several times with the guests horses in tow - felt like I was in a John Wayne movie or something. Or maybe a John Water's movie? Not really sure - everything is a little surreal at the moment.

Babbling Brooks...

I'm going to be away from most of my creature comforts for the next couple of months, which means that I won't have much access to my computers and therefore won't be able to blog as much as I usually do. Hang tight though - I will post at least once a week and share with you as much as possible the adventure I'm about to head off on in the Rocky Mountains.

Found this beautiful pod last week at a nursery in Austin, Texas. I had only ever been to Dallas and was surprised at how beautiful and progressive Austin is. If it weren't so far from the ocean I could actually live there I think.  :-) As it is I'm doing the gardens for two adjacent homes there, one of which will have a creek. This outta be fun since I haven't done a creek before. Tell me something, do brooks really babble?

Anyway, when I'm up in the Rockies I'll be sure and listen closely to the streams, brooks and creeks and see if I can hear any of them babbling and report back to you. I'm looking forward to hearing the wind in the tall trees...

So yeh, be patient with the posts for awhile until I figure out what's what up there in the mountains. In the meantime, here's some rudbeckia from my mom's garden to brighten up your day.

Still craving more details? OK. Click Mr. Bee...

And finally a rose called Night Owl...